It’s Just Justin

Oh the Irony!

Anyways, I want to get outta this place before it starts to snow and I want to have a fabulously music filled drive home! I am really looking forward to that.

Funny how I wrote that before I left for Tulsa for about one quarter of the way into my trip, my CD player decided not to play burned CD’s anymore. And anyone who really knows me should realize now that this choice by my CD player left me with nearly zero CD’s to listen to as I have burned copies of all of my discs. Growl!

I told my dad of the problem and hopefully we can get it either replaced or just get a totally new CD player entirely. I really don’t want to have an after-market receiver put in because it won’t match my car. Won’t complain either way, as long as it gets fixed. >>>smiles<<<

Haunted by Works

I just remembered something today… I really love Greek and Roman mythology. I think I will pick up a book today that kind of covers it all. I have read Aesop’s Fables, Antigone, The Illiad, The Odyssey, Oedipus the King, Prometheus Bound, The Aeneid, the Divine Comedy: Inferno, Purgatorio and Paradiso, and a few others. I guess Greek and Roman mythology just so exciting to me because of the limits that are not set by the authors. This is magical, but believed to be real which increases a certain jene sais ques…

Second on my favorites list is the works of Shakespeare. I would Love his complete works. Of my favorites are, The Merry Wives of WIndsor, The Merchant of Venice, A Midsummer Night’s Dream (I was apart of a production of this one), Much Ado About Nothing, Taming of the Shrew (LOVE THIS!) and then to Hamlet, Julius Caesar (oh my, Roman!), King Lear, Macbeth, Othello, Romeo and Juliet (of course) and finally (perhaps) Titus Andronicus.

Third would be the works of Alfred Lord Tennyson. I was captured by The Lady of Shallot. The story is so powerful to me and recently I read that there is more truth to the story than what appears on the surface. The Lady of Shallot may have been raped by King Arthur prior to her death. tres intrigant! How the traditional story goes, the Lady of Shallot was a beautiful woman that no one really knew. She was cursed with beauty and life as long as she stayed in her tower and continued to weave. She could only see the world in a reflection.

Have you ever looked at the writting on your shirt in a mirror? Then you know that everything is quite obviously backwards in the reflection of a mirror. So was what the lady saw… As she was weaving, she caught the reflection of the knight Lancelot and fell in love with him. She knew that if she left her tower she would suffer death. But love got in the way and she ran from her tower and into a boat to see the beauty she had fallen in love with.

The picture you see below this is the greatest representation of the lady I have even come across. The three candles, only one remains lit as she floats down to the shore sitting atop the tapestry which represents her life up to the point she left the tower. She is letting go of the chains which she could have used to pull herself back to shore. Releasing the chains she has not set her fate.

And The Lady of Shallot is what lead me to Sir William Waterhouse who apparently had similar tastes in works of words as I. For my next to favorite Waterhouse is Narcissus. Ovid’s retold the story. Narcissus was the offspring of Cephissus (the river god) and his wife Liriope (a nymphe, water spirit). It was forseen by Tiresias that Narcissus would live to be very old, if not infinitely, as long as he does not look at himself. This reminds me of The Lady of Shallot who would live indefinitely as long as she never looked away from her tower.

Narcissus grew up to be very beautiful and it was noticed by his female peers aroudn him. I am not 100% for sure why, but he had to reject them, otherwise risk death. I read it as he could fall in love with with other people as long as it was not himself… Anyways, Echo, one of his rejects, asked the Goddess Nemesis (haha, where we get the word Nemesis) to curse Narcissus. Nemesis cast Narcissus to fall in love with his own reflection in the water. He died because he could not take his eyes off of himself. I guess this teaches a lesson in being vain…

Thirdly favorite of mine is Waterhouse’s retelling of La Belle Dame sans Merci through paint. This is a story of love and again, love follwed by death. A knight stumbles upon a fairy in a forest. He falls in love with the fairy who seduces him. He gives her his life, as long as he is with her, love will keep him alive. However, she leaves him in the night and this once beautiful world of love has been replaced by a cold and bleak hillside.

Maybe I am just cynical these days. But I just feel that love lost leads to death or a life that feels like you are not living at all. I really enjoyed writing this stuff… maybe I will start to express my love for artwork and particular works more often. I would continue but my mom is probably getting irritated with me haha.
More »

Both Sides Now

So this song is the mold for the life I am trying to build for me. A new Justin that sees things from both sides. I feel like I got so caught up looking through the window at my reflection that I was unable to see the person looking at me through the other side.

Here’s to bettering one’s self!

One last message

So close to crying right now…

[03:15] pradax24: love you! [Offline Message (Tue Nov 23 02:52:52 2004)]

days later he broke up with me. god i miss those messages from him

Springfield Missouri, Hear Me ROAR!

So I did not get out of town till around 4:00 today after all the stuff that went down. Ha ha, I make procrastination and a shitty roof sound like a drug deal gone ary.

I am staying at Jenny’s tonight, having a fabullous time! We saw Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events which was really quite good. Jim Carey is really starting to show that he can be a real actor and not just slapstick. Some huge stars in the movie and the silhouette of Lemony Snicket I swear is Antonio Banderas.

Jenny and I, after the movie, sat a while in the hot tub. It reminded me of Geoff and his friend’s hot tub. They seem to do it whenever he goes there. What a nice and relaxing way to talk to someone.

I would love to talk more but I am too tired! I should get some sleep as I am driving again tomorrow. Halfway home, only three more hours to go!

Love to you all.

oh yeah, so we cleaned the vacuum today… NASTY. So I show you a picture now, naturally.

And since I made you look at those nasty pictures… haha, here are pictures I took on the way to Springfield (en route to Tulsa of course). Look at the sunset!

Well anywho. I am going to try and get off of this darned computer. Get some “shut eye” if you will.

Oh, had a good, albiet short, two sets of conversation with Geoff yesterday (kinda today) and last night (kinda tonight…). I hate saying today when it is after today and now tomorrow haah.

Love to you all… yet again.

SMILE YOU ARE LOVED

Late but for a Reason

So It is 11:14 in the morning and I am still in Columbia… But I am not running late haha. Turns out my dad won’t be home, no one will be home actually, until around 6:00 p.m. so there really is’nt any good reason to leave so early. I got extra sleep which I needed most of all.

Geoff said some things to me that were absolutely wonderful… as small as they may appear to you people, they mean oceans to me.

Geoff (12:43 AM): g’night
Geoff (12:43 AM): talk to you soon
Geoff (1:41 AM): have a safe trip. enjoy breakaway for me! see ya

I like that he said he would talk to me soon and that he put an exclamation point after telling me to enjoy a CD we both wanted. I guess it just shows that we are rebuilding our friendship as we rebuild ourselves. I love it. Geoff is such a fabluous person. I really cannot wait to become his best buddy and for him to be mine.

Putting love out to him today! Shout out to Geoff!

Hmmm, so I am thinking I should call up Kevin and say goodbye to him today since we did not get to see each other yesterday. I honestly don’t think that we will progress anywhere unless we can get over our ex-boyfriends. At least Geoff and I can be friendly to each other and we are really progressing, huge milestone last night. Kevin’s situation is so much more complicated even though the relationship was 1/8th as long as mine with Geoff.

Anyways, I want to get outta this place before it starts to snow and I want to have a fabulously music filled drive home! I am really looking forward to that.

I want to figure our if my mom and I will be goingto France this summer. Me taking French this upcoming semester would really increase the chances that we go but I really would rather put it off for a while. I love, absolutely, going on trips with my mother. They are so much more fun than trips with the entire family. My dad does not like to do risky things on trips but my mom does. She gets more and more experimental with each trip it seems haha.

Yesterday she was in Atlanta and decided to visit the Church of God Faith Incorporated convention church service. It sounded like quite the event haha. She even got on stage infront of 4.000 people (oh yeah, it was a primarily (90%) black church which had all of the wonderful singing and dancing that they are so famous for) and told them where she was from and why she was there and I think she said she had lunch with the head pastor.

She is so fun haha. So random sometimes.

United Church of Christ just put a commercial that they do not keep ANYONE out of their doors… I was always under the impression that they did not like gays… maybe they do though. The one I went to, not so cool with gay people. The Cayman Islands are Church of Christ and they are notoriously not gay friendly.

Ok, well I am going to hit the showers. Probably going to leave here around 12:00-2:00. No real rush anymore.

Love to you all.

p.s. getting so much closer to seeing Joseph too! Maybe he can be my kiss for New Years. I have never had a New Years kiss… We are only friends but we are wonderfully intimate friends. Translation: too complicated to explain haha.

My Song

I really love Joni Mitchell. Thanks Ian and Love Actually. I know I said I would write more tonight but I am just too tired right now. I basically went shopping with Ian and Landon (seperate trips to the mall). It was fun and then kind of stressful but whatever. Much better than being alone.

Highlight of the past few weeks… the wonderful conversation Geoff and I had on the phone last night and hanging out with Kevin. I love that man (Geoff that is).

How Close?

So I was updating my course schedule on TheFaceBook and decided I would take a gander at the “Visualize My Friends” rendering.

Geoff and Jim are my two last real boyfriends (I hate to say real but they are). Anyways, they are also my only boyfriends on thefacebook (landon should be on facebook cause then it would be three).

Geoff and Jim are also my closest friends on thefacebook. It is amazing how accurate it is because in real life I feel that much for Geoff compared to everyone else.

We just had a really wonderful conversation. I am so glad that I am working on my new self… I went through a lot this summer and I am now doing Justin Overhaul 2.0 and this will be a BIG one.

Much love to you all.

I have more to post and I will post but I just got off of the phone and wanted to point it out.

Need to just sleep!

I know I just need to go to sleep but I am still talking with my friend and listening to the new Kelly Clarkson CD. It is really really good. So much better than her first album.

Remember this one?

Since You Been Gone

I love this quote and figured I would go ahead and post it. I am still awake… yeah, I know haha. It was worth it though because one of my best friends is in love and I am so happy for that!

I added one white flower, to your gentle smile. Sometimes beautiful things are sad. You can feel the coming farewell. Not lining up in the black line. Crowded out, I raised my face, and thought of a sky I once saw. How far, far away, is our destination? Is it so far away, that we’ll never return again? I miss you and I can’t see you…I just want to tell you, I won’t forget all of the last tears you gave me.
- Ever Free, Hamasaki Ayumi