It’s Just Justin

Dear Mr President

This is one of the reasons I love Pink and her latest album which I am sure y’all have gone out and purchased and enjoyed. Her best yet, easily.  Watch the video c/o YouTube.com

$t@r8uck$, upWORD movement —->

just thought I would be all creative, read annoying, with my post title.

I have recently, and most obviously, become obesessed with Starbucks. So much that other people have noticed and I have apparently done things that have turned heads. District managers have talked about me to each other, they even have a nickname for me and what I do. It is all very exciting the options for me with the company, how quickly things have grown and the passion I have for Starbucks.

This company treats its employees with such respect and allows a tremendous amount of upward movement. I honestly expect that I will be moving up in the company, a job for corporate, within the next five years. I love the company and for the first time in my life, I have a true love for what I do and a desire to make a life out of it and even have my families encouragement! In three years I should be working in San Francisco for Starbucks or perhaps Seattle or Washington DC, New York, somewhere. I believe this will be a reality.

My short meeting with my district manager today really helped push me towards the realization of how awesome my future is with the company. I really am crazy about it, everyone teases me because I have sold my freaking soul to this company, but who cares, they rock.

Could I be a bigger… what’s the word for someone who promotes a company beyond all other things? Fanboy?

Well, anyways, I’m just thinking of all the things going on in my life, all of the opportunity I have been given with a design/marketing company in San Francisco, a marketing/PR firm in Oakland, Starbucks and several other entities. Never in my life has there been so many options for success and it is overwhelming me.

Kevin said he would like some of my luck… But I’m not sure I want it at times haha. See, this is all happening at perhaps the worst time. I guess better now than after I’m dead but why not six months ago? Why not after I finished school? Why at the time of my life that I am about to start another huge change, my future weighs on an email that has yet to make it to my inbox, a letter that has not made it to my mailbox at home and a phone call I have not been able to connect.

I want to live in California forever, this place is beautiful, the landscape, the people, the life is exciting and dynamic. If California were to fall off into the Pacific, I’d be the first to jump the fault.

Oh, and go see Akeelah and the Bee. Starbucks helped fund this inspiration film and from what I have seen of it, it is a winner! I’m going to see it when it comes out, tomorrow!

“Maybe I’ll just sit here and bleed at you.”

Throw one at me if you want, hash head. I’ve got all five senses and I slept last night, that puts me six up on the lot of you.

The other night, Anthony and I went to see a fabulous movie at a local independent’ish movie theatre. The movie was Brick and I highly recommend it. Go check out this film, a detective film (sorta) taking place in high school (sorta) with lots of drugs and amazing acting by just about everyone in the film. Bredan and Laura are hot and really get into the parts. Oh yeah, The Brain is freaking hot (cute as a biscuit)!

Breeders, it’s Official, We’re Smarter

At least we can spell.

Proof Gas is too Expensive

Today I tried filling up my car, after putting in 10 gallons of gas (at $32.90) the pump gave me quite the bizzare message…

Translation? Well I talked to my ASCII friends and they said it means something along the lines of, “Your Summer is Fucked”. Bah.

Tip 42, Never Rob a Magician

When I was in elementary school, my brother’s best friend, Bryan W., would always make us watch David Copperfield videos. I always enjoyed the shows since the idea of magic intriqued me, my brother on the otherhand, not so much. However, I have always had a little love for the illusionist…

Magician David Copperfield and two female assistants were robbed at gunpoint Sunday night after a performance in West Palm Beach, Fla. …

Daly and Volmut gave the robbers a purse containing 200 euros, $100, a passport, plane tickets and a cell phone, plus $400 in pocket money, according to a police report. But Copperfield, his statement says, turned his pockets inside out to show that they were empty – a sleight of hand by the master illusionist, who later showed police that his pockets were filled with cell phones, a wallet and a passport.

“Call it reverse pickpocketing,” Copperfield later told the Palm Beach Post.

And that is why I fucking love David Copperfield.

But I’m Already Christian!

Yesterday at work, the infamous tried to convert me. Her conversation started off innocent enough, “So Justin, what do you look for in a relationship?”.

See, I had just talked to her about my massage, a weekly ritual I started one weekend in the city when I had the most intense deep tissue massage by a beautiful guy at a spa, we had a connection haha.

I explained to the devine blonde that in a relationship I desire another guy who loves me as much as I love him, someone who shares similar life goals and a person I can get lost in conversation. Someone whose eyes catch only mine when he enters the crowded room I’m in. I desire someone who can make me smile and someone I can hold through a good cry. Someone I can live my life with that fills all my being with completeness.

The emaculate one responds, “Why desire something that you will never have?” She goes on to explain further that I will never find that person (I have before, I will again). Her parents love each other, she preaches, but they do not expect that kind of relationship. They know their purpose is God’s purpose and that if I could find God, I would not need all that I just opened up over.

Oh, bitch, no you didn’t.

I rolled up my sleeves for the next part, bitch was going down.

Now that she had upset me, I felt I didn’t have to hold back anything. I didn’t. Putting her in an uncomfortable corner, I retorted that she had no idea what she was talking about. She, the girl saving kissing for marriage. The girl who believes her purpose is to cook, clean and breed with her husband. She, the girl who is three years younger than me. The girl whose college career has been spent in a kitchen learning how to cook for the thirteen children she will someday squirt into this world. She, the girl who wasn’t even born when I started going to church, wasn’t even able to brush her teeth when I was baptised.

You don’t know me.

I have gone to church since I was a little kid. I believe in God, I believe in the Bible, I am one of those “believers”. I also question the Bible and I have always believed that made me a stronger Christian. Blind faith is a dark road to deception and corruption. I went to church camp for… 10 years? I worked camps for three years and went on mission trips with my friend’s church.

Moreover, Geoff and I went to church together, we took the eucharist, we prayed together.  Being in love, being gay, had nothing to do with our relationships with God.  So back off.

Entraptment.  She asked me what I look for in a relationship, nto with God but a simple relationship.  Any normal person would take that to mean, boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife type relationship.  I explained to her that this was not an area she could preach to anyone about.  She has no qualifications and that if she wanted to talk about a relationship with God, she should preface her question with just that.

Never-the-less, I’m over it now, especially since the girl who was trying to school me on love, life and God seems to have never passed grammar school…  Here she shows off her mad skills…

Awe, that felt nice.  All better now!

$7,500 Oven

At work we recently received a fabulous convection/microwave oven.  It toasts the outside of our pastries and sandwiches while the microwaves heat the inside.  Oh wait though, for about three weeks it has been broken.  A $7,500 oven lasted two weeks, max.  What does a seven grand and change oven look like?

Now what does it look like after the microwaves have melted portions?

Um, so does that mean I won’t be able to have kids?  Poor Bethany.  Oh ok now, that wasn’t so nice…  Oops.

Meanwhile I created yet another drink which has a purpose not to taste delicious but to look delicious.  America loves this kind of shit.

Our oven works again, finally.  So come get a delicious breakfast sandwhich or perhaps we can heat up the coffee cake you are eyeing?

Fear, Jealousy and Regret

My three most damaging traits.

I fear disappointing people.

I am jealous of other people.

I regret so many choices made in my life.

Once written by me, “If something else doesn’t kill me, regret will”.

There are people in my life I am jealous of, that I fear and regret. There are some people that are all of these things to me. I’m afraid to say who, of course most of you know. I fear him, I love him, I am jealous of his fortune and regret so much of our past. Though the past was for the most part, absolutely incredible. I do not regret the past, rather the fact that I have those incredible memories to remind me of what I will never have again.

These days I find myself in a land of complete opportunity. My options for success grow greater with each day. Job offers from all directions, friends in high and low places. I am actually turning down people who want to date me. This is unprecidented for me… ok, well that is a stretch, even still, I am at the top of my game, in theory.

The theory is shattered when you sit me down with some Knobb Creek on the rocks and an open conversation. I will cry that my entire life is a mess; something I honestly believe to be true.

I have a problem with forgetting the past and moving on, quite honestly I don’t really ever do it. My very first boyfriend was Landon. I can only think of the good times we had, the wonderful things he did for me, the fabulous adventures we embarked upon, and the realness of the love we shared. With Jim I think of the walks in the snow to get Thai food, the fun stories of his family and the first relationship I thought I didn’t deserve. Geoffrey was the first and only person I have ever dated that, from the start, I knew I could spend my eternity sharing a life with him and desire nothing, no one else. Seth was the first time I dated someone not at the top of their class, someone not intending to further their education. The first time I ever dated any one connected to any type of drug use, it was the first time a person made me forget about Geoffrey.

Seth is a jerk, unreliable, uncompromising, outrageous and crude. Seth is also artistic beyond conception, kind hearted, able to make any situation fun, surprisingly comforting and courageously compassionate. I love the guy and, it seems he loves me. We see each other about once a week now, our friendship is growing, things are getting back to how they used to be, when we were dating. I’m not sure how I feel about this.

“Artistic beyond conception” You might read that and say, not possible. Trust me on this.

In my mind, all of my troubles could be so easily removed from my life with the simple act of weightloss. I recently went through some 20lbs of photos from my childhood. I saw how beautiful of a baby I was, how incredibly attractive I was as a toddler and young kid and how I ballooned up arond 1st and second grade. The weight I gained ruined my life. I see now why no one wanted to be my friend, why I felt so alone in the world. I was at my thinnest in a long time when Geoffrey told me he wanted to be my boyfriend.

Forever I associate happiness with thiness. I find myself unattractive based soley on my weight. I know I am not overweight, infact I’m right on target weight wise. I could exchange a few lbs of fat for muscle but I’m in great shape. I ran down a cab last night after two drinks and across two and a half blocks without breaking losing breath, much less breaking a sweat. My stupid gut gets in my way.

If I am not attractive to myself, how could anyone else find me so?

I fear that I will never be thin, athletically built or trim.

I am jealous of Landon, Geoff and Seth’s waistline (though I do wear the same sized pants as Seth and Geoff). Geoff can, well at least when we were dating, wear an extra small sized t-shirt. This is a size I didn’t, until then, know even exited! (Sorry Geoff if you didn’t want that out there…) Of course I desire now an XS size,e ven though my broader shoulders and chest would never allow that, less I wasted away losing muscle and bone mass, not sexy.

I regret that I ever was so fat and that I couldn’t see it until it was too late. I regret being put on medications that furthered my problems and I regret the high costs of plastic surgery.

This post was supposed to simply be the result of looking as some new pictures, instead I seemed to have opened up a can of worms that I’m not ready to quit. I have to wake up for work in…. three hours. Let’s get some sleep. Tomorrow I am supposed to go to Club seVen buuuuuuuutttttttttttttttttttttttt, I think I’m going to pass in favor of cleaning my house, getting an oil change, washing clothes and updating my blog.

Even though I’m in a shitty mood right now, won’t forget the wonderful weekend I had in the city shopping, clubbing and hanging out.

Serious Overhauling

I am back in Santa Rosa and have spent the past two hours overhauling the blog. I have implemented a freaking awesome new template, as you probably noticed. Derek Punsalan is an incredible designer, I am anxiously anticipating his next work. Never-the-less, this post is all about the updates. I created an archive page thanks to a plugin from Justin Blanton.  I also have inputed some changes to the templates from Derek for easier commenting and a feedback form (check it out).

Wolf Coffee, where I have been borrowing internet and drinking iced coffee is about to close so I gotta head outta here, good timing though, my battery is getting low.  Off to Starbucks where I will chat with Pedro and gather my thoughts for a detailed recalling of my weekend, which was absolutely fabulous.