Email to Friends and Family

I’m so lazy that instead of writing a post, I’m pasting an email I wrote.

Hello friends and family.  How goes it?

The weather here in Columbia has changed about as many times as Anna Nicole’s baby’s paternity (can I get a rim shot?).  In a single week we have experienced temperatures challenging negative ten degrees Fahrenheit (did you know you have to capitalize that because it is named after a guy?) followed up by temperatures hitting fifty-two degrees.  There was so much ice melting today that the storm drains were, once again, over-flowing..

Mom got to experience this erratic weather when she came to visit last weekend.  We had a wonderful time binge eating a bucket of popcorn and Raisinettes at the movies, scoring big on a winter jacket at the mall, sliding through a few inches of snow and experiencing my first colonoscopy!  Who else can claim so much in a single weekend?

Makes you question the meaning of life, just like my Philosophy class.  It has been my goal from day one in my Philosophy class to confuse the teaching assistant and hopefully the professor in each class session.  I have so far, not failed.

Tonight I wrote my Philosophy professor an email regarding the nuclear transformations per second of a banana.  I know, that sounds absolutely ludicrous, what does that have to do with philosophy?  Well, about as much as a four legged duck hatched recently, hard-boiled eggs (which he keeps in his right pocket), the tidal wave of death sure to ascend onto use c/o avian flu and that unfortunate mime in the woods.  Seems his neurosis got the best of him as his friend informed him that the bananas he has been eating have probably been poisoning him, not to mention the Brazil nuts he mixes with his 100 Grand Bar.

According to his friend, who has been in college for ten years, just six credits short of graduation, eating two and a half bananas a day gets you all the radiation your body can withstand in a day, Brazil nuts are off the charts!

I did the math (read, you can skip this part, it’s scary physics).  Chernobyl had a Bq (Becquerel) of 14 x 10^18 (I can’t even count that high).  A banana contains oceans of potassium which is .0117% radioactive and has a half-life of 1.26 x 10^9 years and weighs, on average, 600 grams (thank you NutritionData.com).  That means a banana has 7.02 x 10^-5 of radioactive potassium, 18.4 Bq or .01 millirem.  To put that into perspective, flying from New York to Houston will get you the same amount of radioactive potassium poisoning as eating one hundred bananas and each year you only get 200-300 millirem and can withstand 5,000 millirem.  Go ahead and eat all the bananas you want just don’t exceed 1,300 a day.

See what I do with my free time?  It is sad.

Other than the weather and radioactive bananas, not too much is going on here in Columbia.  There is the annual film festival starting up soon called the True/False Film Festival.  It is beginning to attract some of the big named independent film studios (contradiction in terms) like Sony Picture Classics and Revolution Studios.  There is apparently a huge photography event that goes along with it, I am going to try and enter some of my photography.  Wish me luck!

Tonight I bought my first plane ticket, ever!  I got a great deal on the ticket, $188 round trip with a 15% discount because I bought it on Presidents’ Day.  For spring break I am going to visit a friend in Washington DC.  He graduated last December from Mizzou and lives in a swanky little apartment downtown.  I hope to capture the essence that is the capitol of our great nation…

This Friday my a cappella group travels to St. Louis to compete in the International Championship of Collegiate A Cappella.  This is the big one; we had to win our place in this competition.  We will be singing three pop songs in a cappella with matching choreography…  It’s a wonder how anyone in our group has a significant other.  Mommom is going to meet me in St. Louis that weekend which will be really fun.

Other than all of that, not too much is going on out here in Columbia Missouri.

Hope all is equally well with you guys!  I’m off to bed; I need to get my rest so I am on top of my game at 8:00 when I start my attack on classical philosophical arguments proving the possible existence of a greatest possible being.  Then, starting at 9:30, I will be “considering common the threads that link those who oppose greater democratization and what threads link those who do support greater democratization; espousing similar objectives in similar or dissimilar arguments which respond directly to each other; and do they address different or tangentially related considerations”…  I wish I were joking.

I plan to ask my Philosophy professor what happens when yesterday never comes.

Good day!

-justin

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