Get Off, Yourself

This article really got me and it is the basis of why I feel embarrassed to associate myself with the gay community. It is because so many gay people feel the need to victimize themselves, to push their beliefs and to establish large demonstrations that pull away from real causes.

One such cause is gay marriage. First off, it isn’t gay marriage on trial, it is civil marriage.  Before we even begin to fight for “gay” marriages, we should first worry about the fact that “marriage” has become a government sanction. Marriage is religious. The legal part of marriage is just that, legal, not religious. The framers of the constitution took effort to released American rule from a religious hierarchical system, we might say “In God We Trust” but we don’t say, “In God, father of Jesus, Creator of Heaven and Earth, Savior Almighty We Trust”. Simply, God.

My church would be more than happy to marry me to my boyfriend, had I a boyfriend to marry. The only part of marriage I am unable to attach myself is the legal side… If my husband were in a terrible car accident, I could not visit him as his husband. It would take a relative in the hospital to get me permission to see him if he wasn’t able to pull it himself. If he died, his family could get the rights to the body and burial, not me. If we wanted to adopt a child, we would have to go to Oregon or outside of this country. We might have trouble getting a joint mortgage, a car loan or health benefits.

There are many more civil rights, legal obligations excluded to homosexuals because we are not able to LEGALLY marry.

There are proper ways to demonstrate the desire to legalize same sex marriage without calling it “gay marriage”. Call it Marriage Equality and if you are against it, do not call it the “Defense of Marriage Act”… You aren’t defending marriage against the biggest problem for a marriage, infidelity and money; the two biggest causes of divorce. Divorce is the proof that marriage needs defending; a good defense is couple counseling, birth control and honesty.

My cousin’s husband came out to her after 20+ years of marriage. They are still great friends and he and his husband, yes husband, life just down the road. They aren’t ruining the marriages of anyone around them, had he been able to be out as homosexual in his youth, he would never have married my cousin. He was in the Navy, he had to protect his career, his life by marrying a best friend, essentially his fag hag. And of course, he loves her and she loves him.

The issues that should have the floor for discussion don’t get the chance and those issues like “gay marriage” that are important get put so out of proportion that they are written off. There is a difference between what Rosa Parks did and Stonewall to the demonstrations as far away as Vermont and as close as Speaker’s Circle here in Columbia.

To stage fake gay marriages is to belittle the very idea that gays could marry. You make it a carnival, a circus show.

Gay Pride is the same way out here. In San Francisco Gay Pride is just called Pride. Drop the gay and it’s really like every other day. Yes, there are parties in the streets, nudity, drinking and partying for three days and nights…

I don’t like that to so many people, this debauchery is what will represent me. I hate to think that my parents, brother and friends might think that I spend my nights binging on cocaine and having unprotected sex with an orgy of people I don’t know in a warehouse somewhere outside of town. I have only done that twice! (seriously now)

While I am a gay male, I don’t allow my homosexuality define me, I take power away from the word and assumptions and instead make my own definition. I am a gay male, the only difference from me and a heterosexual male is that while he wants a wife and two point five kids, I want a husband and two point five kids. I want a great job, beautiful house and happy golden years. How else am I different than my sexual and emotional attraction? Not in any other way so stop making me feel like I have to be flamboyant, obnoxious, victimized, drug addict, sex addict, trashy, bitchy queen. If that is in your character, good for you, but it is not for me.

I’m about to get off topic (if I haven’t already) and possibly explode… let’s get to what brought this out of me…

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Gay people in the mid-west, well everywhere but seemingly especially out here, need to back off. I’m gay, I can say that. It seems out here that anything that is even the most remotely connected to any and all things lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or transgender/transexual (LGBT) that doesn’t go as LGBT wants it, they freak out.

One example of this comes from a local coffee shop, a favorite of mine, The Artisan, not hosting The Queer Monologues.

Why would they host something like TQM? It would bring a certain customer base, LGBT and allies, perhaps protesters, and alienate many others.

I don’t care how proud you are of being gay or how it is your right to express yourself; you cannot deny that talking about fellatio in front of children would be offensive and wrong.

It is stupid to host at The Artisan for TQM. They could not ask to charge admission so no money would be made to support future LGBT events. There isn’t proper seating to host such a long show. There are espresso machines, the kitchen, people talking all causing background noise that would take away from the monologues.

Bottom line, it is The Artisan’s place to choose who and what will be put on their stage and if they don’t want to alienate customers, they should not have to. Having a single act going on for an hour, for two hours, displaying possibly offensive ideas (come on, talking about sex between anyone and anything can be offensive) and creating unpleasantness (talking about abuse, hate crimes) is bad for business.

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The Artisan is a Gallery Cafe, where you can sip a machiatto while looking at local artwork on the walls, over the fireplace… perhaps listen to a string quartet playing on stage or even some late night, poets reciting from the stage. The Artisan keeps everything sober, nothing extreme in either direction, nothing promoting one ideal over the other.

If The Artisan had said no because it was gay, because they don’t like gay people, because… they prefer baby farts; maybe I would have been offended. But they are not “promoting the oppression”, they are not alienating anyone and they are not diverting attention. I hate how people like to make themselves victims over and over again. You aren’t a victim. You have it so much better than 98% of the population.

Before you worry about places like The Artisan discriminating against you for being gay, worry about you discriminating for people not being open to polarizing performances. The Artisan isn’t allowing Fred Phelps to minister gay hate at their establishment, no White Supremacists, no Black Panthers, no local political candidates can stake a claim to stage at The Artisan, no single religious group has ever held convention there.

If you really wanted to host it at The Artisan instead of any lecture hall on campus (which can so easily be reserved for free and you could charge admission and have better lighting and microphones and way more comfortable seats), offer to reserve The Artisan for a private party. They do that ya know. You just have to pay for the service. They aren’t going to do anything that makes them lose money, make them money by charging admission and paying for the time and space.

Do whatever it takes, just get off this “gays are so oppressed” bit. It annoys the shit out of me and makes me embarrassed to be gay. The Artisan didn’t say that gays and straights could not co-exist, they simply stated that some art forms are not appropriate for display in their gallery and stage. Nazi art would not be allowed there either, pictures of aborted fetuses as a part of an anti-Planned Parenthood would also not be allowed.

If I can be offended by TQM, I’m pretty sure it is within the realms of possibility that a heterosexual or a family or group at The Artisan would be offended.

I might add… The advertisement directly below this article, a half-paged advertisement, is for Product(RED). So don’t even start up another argument that The Maneater hates gay people. They at the very least allow “gay” advertisements. (yes, Product(RED) isn’t gay but clearly helps an all too large and quickly growing sector of the gay community)

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