I honestly just don’t know how this all can be happening to me. First Geoff breaks my heart, then people start spreading rumours that he was cheating on me for three months with someone. He hurts me constantly and I hate that. He may not mean to but even when he is “trying” to help me, I feel like he is not sincere. Crying on the phone about a lost friend brought me no comfort. He said I could come over to his place, where as everyone else said they would come to me.
Furthermore, I don’t think he understands that I cannot be alone with him, I can barely be with him publically. I want to be with him, I want to be able to kiss him and love him but he does not want that and he is stupid, yes, stupid to let someone this in love with him, go by. No one can love him as much as I have and do, it just is not possible. I am not trying to put myself on a high place, trust me, I am not anywhere close to being “high” these days.
Oh well, he has a boyfriend now, a slap in my face, spit on my grave and kick in my groin. He told me, to my face, that he had no intention of dating anyone for a “long” time. This was only a few weeks ago. Somehow a few weeks is not a long time to me… a few months, like four, is a long time. I feel like he lied to me again. What’s more?
I don’t even know what is more because I don’t know anything. I only know that I am hurting and he is not. I think he actually gets energy out of my suffering. I feel like the more I hurt and the more I tell him about it, the more powerful he feels. He feels like he has so much power over me and that is because he does. He could pretty much tell me to jump and I could only ask, “how high?”
I love him way to much for it to be healthy.