This Infomercial Defines What’s Wrong with America

Every night at 10 o’clock I have a button I click in Safari. The moment I click this button, my browser is begins loading around ten “daily deals” websites. Woot.com was the start of it all but it seems to grow by a few sites each year. Most of the deals on these sites aren’t so much great steals as they are “turns out this thing sucks and we’ve gotta liquidate it” deals. Like the time I bought “OEM Apple Ear Pod Headphones” which translated to “OMG how could these sound so horrible” headphones.

But something you get awesome legit deals, like the time I got a sweet vacuum for 80% off. Yes, I have a thing for vacuums. It’s hit or miss and after a while you get an almost religious understanding of how these sites, and their wine compatriots, work things. To me it’s worth checking in at 10 o’clock, midnight CST, to see what’s new.

Last night I clicked and saw something I just couldn’t un-see; partly because my vibrant imagination went directly where it shouldn’t. Remember “Batter Blaster!”? Think along those lines. It’s the Rollie EggMaster Vertical Grill, and I assure you, this is the real deal.

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Psycho “Dr’s” and San Francisco Prostitution

What a day Thursday was for me.

Woke up. Brushed my teeth with Dove Intense Moisture hair conditioner.

Threw up a little.

Showered and sat in my living room doing homework before class. Watching KRON 4 News… Then an infomercial came on. Susan Lucci advertising for her beauty line, Youthful Essence. It is a microdermabrasion system, way over priced but the results are real. Neutrogena has a similar system at a much lower price, which I have used and highly recommend plus their mushroom protein peel which is out of this world. Get both for the price, less than the price, of the Susan Lucci product.

However, it was the second infomercial that got my heart pumping. Does anyone remember Kevin Trudeau? He was banned from infomercials because of the lies he was purporting to be true about natural cures to… everything. He already went to jail for fraud before, why believe him now? He had this memory product and a credit card scheme, now he says you can avoid and cure all disease by making your body alkaline… by making your body’s pH completely basic. (ummm, good luck digesting food or breaking down proteins)

Well there is a new guy in town, Dr James Chappell.

He claims to have a Ph.D in “M.H.” (mental health but never says psychology/psychiatry or otherwise), “N.H.” (Natural Health, as in herbal remedies which cannot be had through accredited medical schools, as in it does not “count” in the health care world) and “D.C.” (Doctor of Chiropractic, which is another doctorate, while legitimate, not a medical degree, you couldn’t work in an ER with this degree and it is often debated whether chiropractic health, in many of its uses (snake oil…) is actually real.). Bottom line, his bottom line is iffy.

He claims the same things as Kevin Trudeau, says he is the first person to put this information in a book, even though the information is exactly the same. He even uses the interview style infomercial that Trudeau perfected in scheming millions of people. He had to pay $2,000,000 to the FTC and promise never to sell another “natural cure” ever again.

I got so mad watching this infomercial… How could he get away with it? Trudeau finally didn’t, how can this guy do this?! How can Amazon.com sell the book? Sell Chappell’s book?

It was all just too much for me to handle, especially after brushing my teeth with Dove Intense Moisture Travel Sized Conditioner A wonderful conditioner (the shampoo is equally fantastic) but a horrible dental plan…

Got to school, sang, took quiz, off of work, yay! Before we go to work, I saw something really hilarious. The SRJC is a very politically correct school, being in northern California and all… Uh, hate stops at the trash can? I’m hurt! haha

Target is under heavy re-arrangement and construction, check out the men’s department haha.

I got home and realized… I locked myself out. No problem, I will just use the window! But it is broken, no longer opens, actually it is locked but still, might as well be broke to me, I am locked outside of my house! Solution? I have to crawl under my house and break into through the floor of the utility room, which is under construction (as is every other part of my house).

It was a long crawl. The cold red clay earth pressed into the coarse denim jeans and the spiders’ webs crept across my face, a feeling of suffocation swept over my body as I slowly inched close to the front of the house, my body pressed tight to the floor, dodging 220 volt power lines ripped of their protective insulation. Steel pipes jigged and jagged in front of me creating an obstacle course worth of American Gladiator.

I finally made it to my destination, pulled my self up, rubbing the hot water heater line to my arm. OUCH!

Reached out, swung open the door and slammed my body onto the soft carpet of my hallway. I then made a mad dashed search for my house key haha.

Class again, my law class, whoop whoop. Reason I go… Walter haha.

After class I met up with Jorge at Target, we were to go clubbing in the city. We had a fun drive up there with two of his friends. Upon arrival in the city however, I decided I would rather spend time with Seth. While waiting for Seth on the corner of Fern and (Bush? Post? Sutter?) I was greeted by a lovely woman of the night.

She asked me if I was looking for dates too… Apparently I looked a bit like a hooker in my black oxford shirt, jeans and ben-stu shoes walking from my car carrying in my hand a brand new, beautiful SonyEricsson cellphone… haha, whatever. The kicker was how she was eating sunflower seeds, spitting out the shells on the ground near her feet. Yeah, that’s class. Seth rescued me. Yay!

We went to a bar he couldn’t get into, then went to his place to have time together, talk, etc… It was great, I hadn’t seen him in weeks so we had a lot of catching up to do, especially since he doesn’t like talking on the phone… grrrr Seth! haha

Pick up the boys from their club around 2:30, we get back to Santa Rosa around 3:30 and I get home around 4:00.

Next morning I get a call from Dell. The guy is on his way with my new monitor! Yay! My laptop will be able to shut itself off on its own again (well the monitor at least). He is a charming old man, seems to have the consumption, whooping cough, something terrible.

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But he fixes my laptop, the new screen is brighter, the speakers are crisp and the latch is much tighter, it is like a new laptop! Plus the switch to turn off the screen when the laptop is closed works again.

After he left, I headed to Guerneville to do laundry. I decided to take some pictures, get back into the Nikon photography instead of only relying on my cellphone, though I did use it a few times as you will see.

Feeling safe? I sure wasn’t!

I love this little drug store, always sells this grand collection of… Crap, on the sidewalk outside.

A lot of information for one sign if you ask me.

Got home and decided to take some more pics of randomness… My berries looked delicious so I decided to take pics of what was left of them, fresh on the vine. (or is it a bush? patch?)

I found this tiny figurine on a shelf in my house, reminded me of Katrina, wonder why…

I just loved this little owl in a 5x magnification mirror…

So this spider cast his web across the entire entrance of my porch… I’ll let him have it haha!

My pride bracelet that I never wear…

And finally… I’m screwed

After that fun, I headed out to hang with Kevin. What a fun time! We went to Barnes and Nobles where I got the latest Dan Savage book…

We went from there to go see The Corpse Bride. It was so good! Wow, what a review right? Seriously though, Tim Burton can really make a movie, even animated ones, creepy. The acting, the songs, the animation, all superb. The story was great, funny, albeit very predictable. Definitely no surprising twists or turns, even still a fantastic showing. The first movie I had seen in the theaters in forever!

Then we headed to Mike’s place to sit and talk. Mike is still outta town but Sasha sure kept us company… A little too much haha. She somehow actually got out of her little locked in area which was a bit freaky… We talked for hours and hours having conversations not unlike the ones I have with Mike. It was so much fun. Can’t wait to do it again some time.

Seth called me and asked if I could pick him up in San Francisco today and bring him to Santa Rosa… Not going to be able to happen sadly since I work. I was so nervous no one would open Starbucks today that I got there at 7am to check that someone was opening. How sick is that? Then back home where I crashed back in bed, one hour later… argh.

Now I am up and getting things done, shower, picking up my house, a never ending venture… Who knows what else! In the end I finally got you guys an update worthy of posting. It is over half a megabyte… yikes, sorry dialup readers!

Love you all, gotta jet, my stomach is aching for some food.

-justin