When the Hunger’s Gone

What an incredible song right? Rufus Wainright and Dido mix so wonderfully together, I hope they do more duets in the future.

I took another step in cleaning my room today. But before we get to that, let me some what explain what happened to me, today.

I went to Acacia and just before I got to the Masonic Lodge, I found myself driving my car off of the road. I actually took Oakland Gravel instead of the road a few miles up because I felt I needed a break, something was wrong…

I find myself at once alone after I arrive to the lodge. Geoff shows up a few minutes later, he accepts my request to let me sit in the back of his car. I feel really sick right now, my legs are weak and my head is spinning, but the migraine is ending.

Other cars show up and we start unpacking supplies from the cars. I am too weak to carry the speaker I lifted and decided to sit on a couch in the lobby. I am sitting on the couch, drinking kool-aid when I start to shake. It begins in my feet and moves up my body and turns into convulsions. My legs would not stop shaking and moments after my abdomen started to jump around, I found it hard to breath or talk. People were just walking right past me, giving no worry my way. I tried to get help but I could not talk.

After perhaps 5 minutes of despiration, Fred comes to my rescue and alerts the rest of the chapter, who are all standing right near to me, that something is wrong with me. I give Geoff my cellphone and he tells my parents (well my dad) what is happening and then I am driven to University Hospital.

The paramedic lifted me from Geoff’s car with Matt S.’s help. When he put me on the stretcher, he put my head where my right side should have been, so my head was dangling down below the stretcher. I remember that it hurt. I had been sweating in the car and my entire body felt tingly.

The doctor that saw me at the hospital was not nice at all. He kept telling me to stop shaking as if I were in control. the paramedic and the nurse were laughing at each other’s jokes… I was not happy with these people, I began to cry which is new for me, I never cry for my health. I think the fact that Geoff was holding my hand helped bring the tears. Just the other day I dreamed of my death, Geoff holding my hand as I died. Only Geoff shows emotion in my dream and on this day he showed no emotion what-so-ever. I love him, I kept trying to tell him that but the words could not be choked out of me.

My breathing became more normal and the shaking subsided a few minutes after the Ativan injection. This is what they gave me last year when I was ever in the hospital with similar problems.

I could go on and on about how bad the doctor was and how stupid the nurse was but maybe in anohter post.

Right now let’s get a little positive. I am not supposed to leave my apartment for 2+ days so Jim and I got some stuff for me to do while I walk this off.

I went in there for Fresca and left there with a lot more. These are all things that I will use in the coming days so all is well I suppose. We also went to Walgreens to get my new medicine, number five I take each day… It is scary how much medicine I am on right now, it makes me really sad.

We did the drive through drop-off for my RX at Wal-Greens before heading to Wal-Mart. I remember thinking to myself how oblivious of the time I have become. I thought it was like 7-8pm but it was much closer to 11:00pm. This sleep business needs to get settled really soon. I mean, it is 5:15am as I type this!

Anyways, we went shopping around and made sure to of course get the Fresca but also these amazing fruit drinks we found there last week. They are 100% fruit and just completely delicious and nutricious. Bolthouse Farms is what I think they are called… You should check them out.

I also got some organizatoional things to help get my room together and keep it organized. Jim and I had a good talk the entire way there and especially when he sat next to my bed as I talked to him. I kept passing out while talking, I hope it was not too annoying, and wonder if he even noticed haha.

One of the things purchased by me tonight was a shelf. I decided I would like to use my headphone amp and setup a small bed-shelf. Viola!

You can see the new shelf there to the left. It is marvelous. I hope I did not wake Jenny up as I built it. I used this new screw driver I bought tonight, a finishing nail and some anchors to get it on the wall. It was a relatively easy feat considering I had no measuring tape or level. haha, I will have to move it over a few inches tomorrow though, I forgot about the depth of my bed when I put it in and right now I am losing about 2 inches of space… it is a tough debate on if I am going to actually take it apart. It is more or less fine as it is.

The new shelf holds my laptop as it charges and/or connects to my iPods. It also holds my iPods and my headphone amplifier. In addition to all of that, I have attached a reading light to the top shelf and have found the extra flat surfaces perfect for glasses, remote controls and watches. Yay! I finally have a place to put this stuff. It has been a year since I have been able to use my headphone amplifier and headphones. I am so glad I can use them again, they are a big part of my escape.

My doctor said to stay in bed and sleep for the next two days. I guess I am off on a bad start since it is now 5:20 and I am still awake. I am going to take my medicines and get some sleep.

Oh, but before I do, I want to tell all of you to listen to the song posted above. It is in my mind, incredible.

Never thought
That I’d end up like this
I who love the night
Never thought I’d be without a kiss
No one to turn out the light
Turn out the light

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