Confessions of a Convoluted Mind

Hi… wow, it is the first time I have ever been to one of these meetings… My name. I’m Justin, and I am a “homophobic”.

No, really, I love gay people, being one myself, but I am just terrified of them in the wild. I freeze up, I can’t talk, I move in the most awkward strides and seem to lose my breath.

It is in times like these that I crave women. Women! A gay man wanting a woman. What has this world come to where a homosexual wants teh company of a woman? It is unfathonable. It is just not natural.

I am in a coffee shop, of the gay variety, surrounded by attractive, and possibly available, guys and I make no moves. There is on, over there at 10 o’clock. He is sitting, with two girls and two guys with one girl at 2 o’clock. Either case would be amazing, these specimen, in their natural habitat, socializing as if I am not stumbling through their once peaceful abode as Barry White belts out over the loud speakers, “I can’t get enough of your love baby”.

The air is warm inside the coffee shop, French presses are going at full press ahead and the Italian sodas have never been more Italian soda like.

Everyone here seems to either using this time to do homework or to not do homework. Tres intrique no? Watch it! French press coming along from behind!

The lesbian folk band is playing the part of CInderella, only on Mountain Time instead of Pacific. Glass slippers Birkenstock sandels in tow, they frisky themselves out of the coffee shop with the clumbsiness only lesbians can claim.

The light of my screen seems to bring out the paleness in my skin so I turn down the contrast, and notice that my cute boy with two girls has vacated the aroma of Sumatra and Komodo. In his place? A breeder.

For shame.

Sweat gathers at my brow as I study a new one, he is leaving now, beautiful and strong. Perfect guy. Beautiful, attractive and most of all, frightening to death!

Where is my Xanax?!

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