lyrics on repeat…

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I’ve never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day i’m loving you more than this
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

I remember during thanksgiving, driving around tulsa in the cold rain, knowing that things were souring, crying while trying to sing this song, in hopes that it would prevent what i feared.

Come christmas, I am back in Tulsa, singing this song, crying, and demanding to know why we were’nt together anymore, god please tell me.

This is something I don’t think I will ever escape. I have never had so much emotion flowing out of me, except the day he kissed me and told me he loved me. I remember that day; the sun was the brightest I had ever seen it, the air was so crisp and the blue skies with billowing white clouds so lively. I remember walking together to town, my stomach doing turns. I could’nt even eat I was so happy.

But when it all ended, a huge part of me died, the vast majority.

I’ll stop now; highly emotional today. Between Andy, Geoff and Landon, I just don’t know what to do about anything really. Guess I will just go to sleep, wake up, eat my SpecialK with a banana and pray that things tomorrow will be better.

I’m praying a lot more these days… not sure what exactly I am praying for. As Joseph put it, “An uncouth analogy for prayer, I realize, but the world operates without my consent, and if there is a god, so does it.

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