Nancy Sinatra – Kill Bill – Bang Bang

I am going to install Visual Basic again and write a few programs… I need to simplify a few things in my computer life and I know of some really easy programs I could write to work for me.

My throat hurts really bad right now and my lungs are weezing more today than they had been.

Elton John – Greatest Hits 1970-2002 – This Train Don’t Stop There Anymore

I probably should not have played in the water today, it was just too fun to pass up. My eyes are really dry right now too which makes me sleepy, once I put on my glasses I will be fine.

My battery is about to die so I should plug this bad boy in.

I don’t know why I am so sad right now. I know part of it is me thinking about Geoff. Why do I love him so much? I just wish I would be shot in the chest by someone… it would oddly make me feel better. Don’t think I am crazy please. We already know I am.

I just exchanged batteries in it so I could go back into the living room while Dave blows his knows, inconspicuously… or not so much.

I accidnetally toed him too hard and ripped his pants tonight. We have been listening to Mariah Carey for about an hour or so, more perhaps. I am really glad that I have met someone that enjoys so many of the same “musics” that I enjoy. Connecting on music is something that is really important. It is a deep thing to me. Joseph, Landon, Jenny, Jim, Dave and I all seem to have similar loves in music.

It is interesting though how what Joseph and I love Jenny, Landon and Jim probably would’nt (I think Dave would a bit). What Dave and I share I don’t think Jenny, Jim or Joseph would really love or at least deeply enjoy. Does this make sense? It is the Music Matrix.

Geoff did not share any of my loves for music except a few musicals and I think he really did it just for the “culture factor”. He wanted people to think he was really cultured so he would “just love” Les Mis or Mamma Mia even though it was I that really got him onto them, not him on his own. He really loved Ani and Alanis and one Madonna cd (a compilation). He loves music but not in the way that most people I live with love music.

Music is my life. If I had to choose between music and love, music would win. Though, in reality, I should not have to make that choice so where is my love? I want to feel what I felt with Geoff again, what I suspect Jim and Ryan feel for each other. I want to feel the emotions that I listen to so often from Mariah, Rufus, Lara, Josh, Antony, Joni and the rest.

If I could be anywhere right now, it would be….

Back porch of the river house, boyfriend and I on the couch curled up reading a book while listening to music and just being together. I would want the sun to be just at that point before it paints the sky full of so many colors. I would want dinner that we cooked to have been eaten on the tennis courts with the flowers blooming all around us. I would want us to have an old cat or dog at our feet. He would be wearing his reading glasses and I would probably be holding him.

Is this all so weird and too much to ask for? I sure hope not. I know it probably is but jeeze, it is what I want. I like to think that I can have the things I want most, especially when they are not selfish items like cars, money or label clothes.

Anyways, one more song before I go.

Aimee Mann & Michael Penn – I Am Sam – Two Of Us

Hmmm. Landon has been ignoring my phone calls again. I don’t know that I will ever really understand him.

Jim and Ryan will be here shortly to watch a movie Dave picked out entitled Grande Ecole. I really don’t have a clue what it is about, here is what Amazon.com said about it.

Grande Ecole merges the delirious ogling of naked flesh with highfalutin’ cultural theory from abstruse thinkers like Michel Foucoult–a whiplash-inducing combination that could only come from the French. Paul (Gergori Baquet), a middle-class student, arrives at a snooty economics school and finds himself lusting after his new roommate, the upper-class Louis-Arnault (Jocelyn Quivrin)–even though Paul already has a hot-and-heavy relationship with his luscious girlfriend Agnes (Alice Taglioni). Paul’s sexual confusion leads him into an affair with a handsome Arab groundskeeper named Mecir (Salim Kechiouche), who falls helplessly in love with Paul. Grande Ecole awkwardly combines race and class consciousness, the defense of a death-row inmate in Texas, and an extensive shower scene with the school’s water polo team–but what finally gives it heart is Mecir, whose love for Paul seems doomed to tragedy. –Bret Fetzer

See you guys later.

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