What To Do…?

Let’s get a solid back story here before I continue with the current situation.

I moved back to Columbia and brainstormed with Jim this great idea that we could move in together in this three bedroom apartment off campus with his boyfriend David. I didn’t really know David but he seemed like a nice enough guy, plus he was from Texas so I liked him that much more

Things worked out just fine for a good while. I mean, I had to do most if not all of the cleaning and every once in a while David would drink too much and be a little annoying. Nothing really bothered me too much except that I never got to hang out with Jim.

When I first moved in, I was super busy with work, I had about 40 hours a week over at Starbucks on top of class work. When my eyes got fucked up, again, I had to cut my hours to around 12-20 per week and then further when I got sick from the other stuff.

At one point I was pretty damn sick, I even had to take a cab to the emergency room. This was followed by three surgeries and some annoying preparatory and recovery procedures. Throughout all of this I never asked for a ride or anything special, except one time I did ask Jim if he could bring me to the hospital for my surgery, unfortunately he had class and couldn’t, that’s fine, I understood completely and never asked again.

Right before David moved out to finish his graduate requirements in Houston, he had this big drunken fit. He called me an asshole and many other mean and untrue things. It seemed then that he thought I didn’t want him to be with Jim and that I wanted to be with Jim.

Oh yeah, Jim and I dated years ago, for a few months. It never progressed to anything as serious as Jim’s last two relationships and we had both moved on completely, absolutely completely.

Jim and David moved out completely last… Saturday. Jim had asked if I could get the cable box to Mediacom that Friday or Thursday if he didn’t make it in time. I let him know that I would try but my last two days, Monday and Tuesday, in Columbia were already packed with work during Mediacom’s hours of operation and errands I had to run to get my shit together with my new apartment, work and planning for the rest of the summer. On Tuesday I literally had every hours planned out with appointments, ask Kevin, Geoff, Curtis, Chadd, my family…

Furthermore, I had told Jim that he could take it back whenever he wanted as all of my television watching was now done with my AppleTV. I only watched regular television in my bedroom or otherwise basic cable broadcast, I didn’t use the cable box function, at all.

Tuesday night I got out of work at 12:30am (which is actually Wednesday morning of course) and Geoff was kind enough to pick me up at Columbia Autobody about 10 miles north of town around 1:00am and bring me home. I finished laundry, packed my stuff up and at 4:30 a bus picked me up to bring me to the Saint Louis Airport.

On Monday or perhaps early Tuesday, I told Jim that I might not be able to make it to Mediacom until I got back into town, which would be a Sunday, the 17th, Mediacom opens the next day, Monday. I won’t have my car until the afternoon on Monday and I work in the afternoon Monday so who knows when I will actually be able to pick up my car, probably Tuesday.

David sent me a text message tonight because he was mad that I didn’t make it to Mediacom.

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I was immediately floored.  No one likes to get messages like that, especially when you feel that you are totally innocent of any wrongdoing.  Jim understood that I would try, but just as he had run out of time, I did not have the time.  I was stressed out about getting just my stuff done.  With a co-worker’s baby on the way, I had been given extra shifts, working as much as 14 hours a day on top of moving to my new place, planning and organizing trips to Austin, Houston, Indianapolis, Chicago, San Francisco and Santa Rosa, New York, Washington DC, Nashville and South Carolina.  Plus trying to figure out how I would pay for these trips and still afford to finish off my apartment.

Despite what some people think, I’m not rich and I don’t get everything I want from my parents.  If I can’t afford something right away, I save up my paychecks and wait until I can.  I’m very good at saving the money before products come out so I can get them as they arrive, such as the AppleTV and Airport Extreme and my iPods and such.

I called Jim to apologize if I had upset him and let him know that I would get it returned as soon as I could.  I also told him that David had sent me that really mean, unwarranted text message.  The phone service out here in the hill country isn’t so great and we got cut off twice, through kind words.  He apologized for David which isn’t something he should have done or had to do.  Jim had written me earlier saying if I could just get it done when I get back, OK.

Then I got another message from David.

David's 2nd Evil message

It just never ends.  I’m not sure what to do.  Micheal told me to just ignore David and not respond to him, save the friendship I have with Jim and forget that David and I had ever had this one sided conversation.

I have never responded to David’s accusations, his quips and whips.  I have never voiced my opinions of David to Jim and have never actively done anything to David.  He has used my computer to log into his email on Gmail.  He has printed from my printer or at least taken ALL of the paper out of my printer four times, the last time being their last day in Columbia.  Nothing like pulling an all-nighter to find your printer out of paper right before you have to run to class and turn in your report.

This summer I have been really enjoying work.  I have been hanging out with great old friends and making new ones.  I have made more new friends this semester than I ever expected; Ryan, Beau, Scott, Chadd, Justin, Nick, Carrie, John, Justin, Justin, Michelle, Jessica2, Scott…

I’m going to be in Washington DC for some eleven days visiting Landon and experiencing the Fourth of July at our Capital.  I really hope to hang out with Jim while I’m there and to spend some time exploring the city with Geoff when he arrives later in the week.  I am going to have a blast hanging out with Landon and his friends and expect to share those experiences with Jim.  We have been great friends through so much for so long.  We have helped each other through heartbreak, through depression and through some soul searching.  We have shared so many wonderful experiences and have grown up together into completely different people than the ones we were when we first met in 2003.

I love you Jim.I don’t think I’m a loser.  I think I’m a really nice guy with a winner personality and lots of wonderful friends like many of you reading my blog right now.  I don’t think I would have you as friends if I were a “fucking prick” a “loser” an “asshole”.

Now that that is out of the way, I’m going to get some sleep.  I have a busy day ahead of myself.

Now it’s Time to Bitch

Ok, I gave you a somewhat muted post, now I just wanna get some shit out.

  • Don’t tell me we are going to hang out and not call me back, much less hang out with me.
  • Don’t tell me you don’t like something about me that was month, years ago and not present.  Why would I care now?  What does it matter?
  • Don’t tell me you really like me and then blow me off, you obviously don’t really like me.
  • Don’t tell me we should hang out and you miss being around me and then hang out with my roommate instead.
  • Don’t act like I’m not in the same room as you.
  • Don’t blame everything on your period.  A menstrual cycle is rough, sure, I’ll give you that, but it isn’t a month long and you can take a god-damned Mydol you know.
  • Don’t tell me you find me attractive if you don’t.
  • Don’t tell me to call you if you know you aren’t going to answer your phone.
  • Don’t act like you want to date me and then go out with another guy.
  • Don’t schedule me for only 15 hours a week and then complain about availability when there are people wanting hours and you just won’t give them to them.
  • Don’t fucking wait for the light to turn yellow before driving through the intersection, you really slow down my day.
  • Don’t ignore me.
  • Don’t keep calling me like it’s your business.
  • Don’t send me anymore credit card applications.  I have too many cards already.
  • Don’t push me to drink alcohol.  It won’t make you more attractive.
  • Don’t dance if you can’t.
  • Don’t sing if you can’t, it isn’t even funny at this point.
  • Don’t keep dating the same guy and then crying when he breaks up with you, again and again.
  • Don’t judge me for the music I listen to.  If I cared what you thought, I’d ask.
  • Don’t leave me annoying, long-winded voice messages.
  • Don’t forget that we used to be best friends.
  • Don’t forget that we used to be in love.
  • Don’t say you will when you both know you won’t.
  • Don’t say you can when we both know you can’t.
  • Don’t think that this is referring to you.
  • Don’t think this is about someone else, it isn’t.
  • Don’t get drunk all the time.
  • Don’t judge people so much, and no, you aren’t fat so stop acting like you are.
  • Don’t be so dramatic, you aren’t that special and if you were, we’d have you admitted.
  • Don’t fear love so fucking much, just let it happen.
  • Don’t think you are better than me because you got a promotion.  That just means they sucked you in and you won’t ever make a solid living.
  • Don’t forget that in five years I will be making triple what you make.
  • Don’t think it’s all about the money, it rarely really is.
  • Don’t let your thoughts invade mine, it gets me in a fit.
  • Don’t throw basketballs at my car, it costs me a-fucking-lot of money to get that shit fixed.
  • Don’t be such a whore, spreading your seed isn’t safe or wholesome.
  • Don’t have such low self-esteem.
  • Don’t think so highly of yourself, your ego is way outta control.
  • Don’t act like you’re right when you aren’t, arguing isn’t fun, especially with you.
  • Don’t punch through bathroom doors.
  • Don’t drop out of my sublease, you bastard.
  • Don’t stress me out so much, I get all weird and make posts like this.
  • Don’t tell me you love me and then take it back the next day, that’s just trashy.
  • Don’t be such a bitch to me
  • Don’t manage a store if you can’t handle it.
  • Don’t forget all the times I did something for you.
  • Don’t forget my sacrifices.
  • Don’t forget my mistakes, being here is one of them.

There, I feel a little better.

Graduation

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All my people are leaving me! Today Geoff, Jenny, Jim, Jake, Josh, Shannon, Megan, Matt, Eric, Annie, … They’re all graduated. Congratulations to you all.

Today I should have graduated, let’s hope next year will be my year. I won’t be convinced until I’m walking the stage.

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It is hard to think about living in Columbia without these people, and the many other unnamed in this post. You were all so very special to me and have had an incredible impact on who I am today.

I can look back to my freshman year, virgin, freshly out and learning how to make friends on my own. Immediately Geoff was in my life, and it was truly love at first sight. But our love was to be put on hold until we were ready to be with each other. We eventually made our relationship official and a world of firsts began.

We all know how it ended, it wasn’t pretty. But like a phoenix rising from the ashes, our friendship still rings true. That is true love, true friendship.

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I will have lost the four most important people in my life this year, lost to Washington DC and St. Louis. Jenny and Geoff are both heading to St. Louis to continue their education. I’m so proud of them and their devotion to their life’s work. Landon and Jim are in and off to Washington DC. Landon headed there last semester but went through his second graduation this week gaining another degree from Mizzou. Saying goodbye to him just an hour ago was more emotional that I had expected.

It will take great effort on my part not to feel alone now, now that the absolute closest people in my life have left this part of their journey through life with me still trailing behind.  As I watch the last Lord of the Rings movie on TBS, I am reminded of A) how dorky I am, B) How much Geoff and I loved to watch this movie together, and C) how special true friends are.

On a less emotional note, where were the fashion police when this woman put on her fingernail polish?  Yikes.

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This semester ended with great grades, a confusing (and yet promising) relationship(sorta), the departing of friends, the rekindling of old friendships (Dave, lunch was so much fun) and the start of a new(ish) life, and even more independence.

In Jim’s Room

I am in Jim’s room. He invited me over to get some ungodly lunch at Rollin’s but instead he has me organizing ungodly papers together for him. That rat bastard, his actions are ungodly!

 

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We are watching some ungodly crAzY movie about some CrAZy news show… It is ungodly intresting.

Anywho. I wonder if he will come through and actually bring me out to lunch paid for by our parents… That sounds ungodly similar to what I would say if he were my brother, “our parents”.

Show is called the Howard Beal Show…???

His room smells funny, I think the ungodly aroma from the hallway is finally making its way into his room. Sad…

Well, I figure that this post is ungodly enough to make even YOU peel away from the 60hz flicker of your CRT screens, the .23 dot pt inch pixels of your LCDs…

Catch you later.

OH OH OH

There is a mole. Someone that is my friend has been telling Geoff everything about me… like where I am, what I am doing, what I will be doing, what I have done, maybe even my journal address. That is completely crappy. Thanks, “friend”.