I was thinking today about how much I have to catch people up on. Even though my life isn’t super exciting or anything, I often put out these quick short stories and get so distracted that I never follow up on them. So here we go. Continue reading
There are a lot of people that come and go in your life. Your childhood best friend, your first boyfriend or girlfriend, college roommates… You get the idea.
I've done a lot in my short time in existence, which just recently hit the 26 year mark. I've lived all over the place, up and moved across the country three times. I am lucky enough to have friends all over the state, the country and the world. It never fails that I will be in a random city, for a random reason and I bump into someone I know. Just last week my friend slash coworker Amy, aka @adifran, and I went to Blue Springs Missouri for a Think First event.
Amy and I weren't there more than ten minutes before two people came up to me, a classmate from Advanced Photography and a guy who couldn't quite pin down from where exactly he knew me. A little later I bumped into a friend of a friend.
A couple of years ago Ryan and I were in Chicago, about to hop onto the L when, what do you know, someone who pledged my fraternity recognized me. He and his girlfriend road with us to our stop, we talked old times and parted at the next stop.
But then there are those really special people in your life. The people you don't expect or don't even realize how much they mean to you until it sneaks up on you.
As a kid there were these people in my life. My brother Patrick who I looked up to as most little brothers do. I wanted to be just like him for the longest time. I don't think he ever really knew how much I wanted to follow in his footsteps. Even today, when I need that really big life changing type of advice, he's the first on my list. He was the first family member I came out to. Without his support I wouldn't be where I am today.
The next person in my life was my cousin David. David and I were best friends from childhood. We summered on the beach every year together, we went to the Cayman Islands together, we built forts, we did all the things you do with your best friend… breaking into swimming pools, talking shit, camping out, you know the drill. When I decided I was going to move to California David was the first person on my list of people I wanted to live with. A couple of weeks later the two of us were driving to California for an adventure like we'd nothing we'd ever dreamed of.
In high school there was Joseph. I could tell Joseph anything, he could tell me anything. Together we somehow survived uniquely difficult junior and senior years. It seemed like our friendship blossomed overnight. One day we were two parts of a huge clique of friends, the next day we were best friends. Our nights were shared going out to dinner at Chipotle or Macaroni Grill, driving up and down FM 1960 blasting hip hop music, buying music and finding comfort in our shared company. Always kind, always funny, always there for me and up for just about anything.
One way or another I said goodbye to each of these people. Patrick is married to the most amazing person in the world and living off in Houston. David is also married, which is a bit of a shocker, he always was such a heart breaker. Joseph, this was perhaps the most surprising. He's in Korea teaching English, getting a law degree and generally exploring the East in a way that would make Dhani Jones jealous.
I would argue that the hardest part of goodbye is the feeling of emptiness it leaves you. There are these people who have made such a strong impact on your life, they have shown you love, they have taught you about yourself and the world, they have been there for the good and the bad through laughter and tears, love and pain. What they leave behind is a pit, an endless abyss of negativity. You are happy for their ability to move on, move up and move out. You know you'll see them again, that you can talk on the phone or online and that you'll still be friends for life. But your heart fights reason.
Your heart reminds you of everything they were to you, everything that is now lost.
These are holes you are certain can never be filled back in by anyone or anything else.
Chase entered my life after I abruptly moved back to Columbia from California. Little did we know we were dancing around each other nearly our entire lives. From living in the same part of Houston, to the same part of Tulsa. We went to the same concerts, even an obscure Jason Mraz concert my senior year of high school. We both loved the same music, the same obsession with technology, movies and shows. Who would have thought that this total stranger would become like a brother to me?
I have Chase to thank for a lot. Would I have Ryan in my life without Chase? I'm not so sure! He brought so much to my life in a really unexpected way. At the time I didn't really have many straight guy friends. Most of my friends were other gay guys or girls who attracted gay guys like moths to a flame. I have Chase to thank for the next two people on the list.
Corey, over there on the left eating Dave's bicep.
The first night I met Corey I thought… David? He reminded me so much of my cousin and proved to be just as cool, fun, exciting and generally bad ass. A little over a year ago I realized just how important Corey was in my life. He and chase moved to Blue Springs with their band to do the music thing full time. All of a sudden I felt this emptiness like I hadn't felt in a long time.
When Ryan was in the hospital and with a dangerous prognosis, Corey was the one I went to. He comforted me in a moment of absolute vulnerability. I was emotionally drained, physically shaken and felt like the world was closing in around me. I drove from the hospital to Corey's work. I made it all the way to the counter before I broke down into a sobbing mess.
Corey brought me the level of comfort, compassion and love I needed so dearly. He held me, dried my tears and absorbed some of my fear and despair.
And in then there is Sam. An incredible photography, a fantastic musician (like Chase and Corey), passionate, funny and ridiculously in touch with his feelings and the feelings of others. There is nothing I couldn't share with Sam. His heart is pure and his mind is open.
It's a little funny how when I think about Sam my words begin to fail me. In place of words are memories, his last night in town at the Snorty Horse, Scouts concerts, bar hopping around town, photography talks, trivia nights, tequila shots at The Artisan… Thinking about these memories literally brings a smile to my face. He shares a heart and humor paralleled by only one other person I've ever had enter my life, my high school best friend, Joseph.
I get lost in the memories of these three guys. A mixture of happiness and sadness overflows me. This time a few months ago we were hanging out and then, one by one they moved away. Sam was the first to go followed by Corey and then Chase. They moved up, on and away in the exact opposite way that they entered my life.
Not going to lie. The night Sam left, signifying the inevitable end of one of the best periods of my life, I was a big ol' mess. Cried my freaking eyes out.
A lot of people have entered my life. These people came and went, they made their impact. They were friends, roommates, classmates, boyfriends… They were for me the most important people in my life at the time.
Things were different with Chase, Corey and Sam. For the second time in my life I felt an endless sense of loss. There was something unique to these three people that affected me in a way only my brother, my cousin David and my best friend Joseph had before. It was in the night that I said goodbye to Sam that I realized something. That whole left ages ago had somehow been filled by these three guys. I realized that there are people put into your life to fill a certain purpose. To help you grow, learn and love.
Twice in my life I've had this experience. Who could ever expect to be so lucky?
I put off writing this blog post for quite a while. June 22 I started writing and over a month later I'm here to finish it. Why am I finishing it now? Well I got some other big news late last month. Ryan, arguably the most important person in my life will also be leaving. We're both excited, scared, nervous and happy about the big change we're both about to experience. In a few weeks Ryan will be living in San Francisco and I will have to say goodbye, temporarily as I stay here in Columbia.
But that's another day and another post.
Sam, Corey and Chase moving away was incredibly hard on me. I felt that familiar emptiness. But today I smile at the prospect of visiting Sam in Seattle, Corey in Florida and the incredible excitement at Chase's wedding in December. They will be a part of my life for the rest of my life and I can't wait to see where we all end up. Who knows, we might some day find ourselves back in the same city together, drinking PBRs and grilling some burgers.
I can't wait to see what happens next!
Wow, I’m super late posting to the blog, as evidenced by this month and a half late post. Life has just been too busy what with work and school and a gallery show all coming together.
This party was a blast, as with just about all of their parties. USA cupcakes by Alex (@alexandrabrandt), costumes, a live DJ mixing music and more jello shots than were necessary.
I can’t wait for their next party. Perhaps I will finally show up in costume! I’ve only managed to pull that off on one occasion. Oh and maybe next time it won’t take me so long to write up a short blog post with a few pictures. Jeeze!
Well they did it again. This time a Christmas Sweater party. Oceans of people showed up for the music, the dancing, the jello shots. Oh and what great music and dancing. I’m increasing impressed with all the straight guys who dig Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Miley Cyrus‘s “Party in the USA“. They really took over the dance floor that night.
I wasn’t sure if I should be questioning my sexuality or theirs. 😛
This is one of those posts where pictures speak louder than words. See below!
Thanks Chase, Corey and Sam for the awesome party, letting me be apart of it and for just being three of the best friends a guy could have. I think I speak for all that attended the last party when I ask…
When’s the next party?!
My general practitioner, finally having enough of it, sent me to a pulmonary specialist for a proper diagnosis. After a PFT (pulmonary function test), X-Ray, a CT-Scan, a few stress tests/O2 measures and a meeting with two pulmonary specialists, I had my diagnosis.
The news wasn’t good but also not the end of the world. It isn’t life ending but it is something I will live with for the rest of my life. It’s progressive, chronic and not a fun diagnosis. But not something that I will let get me down. I have too many wonderful people in my life, Ryan being at the very top of that list, that make life more glorious. More fantastic than any bad diagnosis could defeat.
You might say that the night itself was “trivial”, har har… This was my first foray in to trivia and, what a remarkable performance by all! We were just one question away from winning it all! Unfortunately, Phoebe (@fotofobe) was there…
Being the smarty pants she is, her team, the Never Nudes, swept up the win.
Never mind, that. The evening was a wicked fun, ending with a few more drinks with Chase (@clettenberg) at their place and my first taste of Wise Guys Pizza.
It wasn’t long before my unfortunate doctor visit was just a distant memory.
Thanks guys, I love you.
I’ve wanted to record my daily iced coffee creation for a while now.
I have a few of these every morning, probably too many really! I typically used Kaldi’s coffee brewed and then chilled overnight. Just a little ice, some fat-free creamer and I’m ready to go. I used to never put creamer in my coffee, wonder why I do that now… Never-the-less, I’ve settled on this recipe and it has never failed. Oh but what a difference quality coffee, water purity, grinding and proportion matter.
I grind my coffee just seconds before I brew. I use only fresh beans and as I said earlier, I prefer Kaldi’s coffee though I’ve recently heard good things about Dunn Brother’s Coffee (c/o @samuelaveryhunt). I use filtered water, once through a triple-stage Pür filter followed by a two-stage Pür filter. We have really metal-rich water in downtown Columbia so this is a necessary step to take all the copper etc out.
Perhaps tomorrow I’ll do a few more, trying out different angles and lighting techniques. The video today was really just a test or proof-of-concept. I think this angle might be fun…
Though the real fun will come once I modify my Kodak Zi8 with different lenses. Maybe someday I’ll own a proper HD video camera. @ZackLuye‘s Canon 7D is such a sexy piece of equipment. Too bad I’m a Nikon guy. Next time Zack and I shoot an AdagioTeaV together, we’ll have to do some experimentation with his camera.
This Halloween, yeah I know I’m late, was celebrated at Corey (@coreyschmidt), Chase (@clettenberg) and Sam’s (@samuelaveryhunt) house here in Columbia. Dance, beer pong, backyard fire pits and debauchery at full tilt.
Coincidentally it was also Corey’s girlfriend, and all around amazing person, Alexandra’s (@alexandrabrandt) birthday! Songs were sung, dances were danced, drinks were poured and a fantastic time was had.
Oh and my costume was Chase. I even drew his tattoo on myself! Everyone was pretty impressed with that, mostly me though. I have like zero drawing skills. Just went through the numerous photos I have of Chase from his Scouts days. While several people thought it was a real tattoo, only one person accused me of tastelessly copying another person’s tattoo… Seriously? LoL
And while I have to admit, I was a pretty convincing Chase… I think Corey wins for best costume-with-attitude. I present to you Dwight Schrute.
For the rest of the photos I’ll just do a slide show. Enjoy!