You, Are, Wrong

So just shut up.

Don’t tell me that my life is easy to live right now. I have taken steps to kill myself in the past and I have done it in the not so distant past. Do not dare tell me that my mind is not sick. I already feel dead.

I am sorry that you have never been in love so there is no way for you to realize what it is like to lose it and then to have a person act like you were never in love with each other.

Hemingway writes “I felt the death loneliness that comes at the end of every day that is wasted in your life.”

You break down if you talk about your mother but you won’t believe that I could feel as bad or worse than she? Step back because it is the people of the world like you that make me want to end everything. When you feel you have nothing to lose, why not just end it all?

I hate most everything in my life. Being in love with someone who does not love you… being in love with someone who you feel is deceiving you at every turn in the road… being in love with someone who causes you so much pain with barely lifting a finger, that is the reason I will die. I won’t die from disease or from some heroic venture, it will be from his hands that I die.

There was a time you let me know
What’s really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you
I remember when I moved in, you
the holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

There are reasons for each of these songs on here. Only perhaps one person will understand them and that person I doubt will actually understand them in the end. I truly am alone. I have bottled up love, saved it for years and now that I am out, now that it is gone, now that you have stolen it from me, how do I live without you? You hold my love, it sits in the palms of your hands. You juggle it ’round, toss it towards the ground and scatter sand on it, grinding the grains into every crevice of my heart, bleeding it dry.

You gave me all your love in one day
You gave it all and almost faded away
Well I’m gonna take this sad unread issue
In my arms tonight
Looking at hospitals Victorian
Feeling as helpless as the Elephant Man
Wish you were here
To chain you up without shame
In my arms tonight

I ain’t a soft and saccharine wannabe
Still I pray to God
This song will end happily
So I offer you a place to rest
And forget yourself
In my arms tonight

I dream a dream and wish that the dreams would stop. Where is my elysium? Do I not deserve that? Elysian fields, the pinnacle of happiness. You allude to the one who wore the crown of thorns but your thorns rest onto me, piercing my soft skin. Remembering the touch of your hand on my skin brings pain.

If a person should ever like a person
How funny that would be
If a person should ever like me
Not that I have that much to offer
God knows I have so much to gain
From the harvester of hearts
From the harvester of pain

It is as though when you have something, things are absolutely perfect, you are happy as you can be and once that is taken away, you are not indebt that amount. Is it that we are not supposed to be happy? Should I again forget love and live in stagnate?

Thank you for this bitter knowledge
Guardian angels who left me stranded
It was worth it, feeling abandoned
Makes one hardened but what has happened to love
You got me writing lyrics on postcards
Then in the evening looking at the stars
But the brightest of the planets is Mars
Then what has happened to love
So I will opt for the big white limo
Vanity fairgrounds and rebel angels
You can’t be trusted with feathers so hollow
Your heaven’s inventions, steel eyed vampires of love
You see over me, I’ll never know
What you have shown to other eyes
Go or go ahead and surprise me
Say you’ve lead the way to a mirage
Go or go ahead and just try me
Nowhere’s now here smelling of junipers
Fell of the hay bales, I’m over the rainbows
But of Medusa kiss me and crucify
This unholy notion of the mythic power of love
Look in her eyes, look in her eyes
Forget about the ones that are crying
Look in her eyes, look in her eyes
Forget about the ones that are crying
Go or go ahead

Why stop you now? You cannot be stopped so there really is no trying. Your ability to forget our good and focus on the bad, your inability to see what someone loves you, more than you can know, is, for lack of better words, preposterous.

I dont want to hold you and feel so helpless
I dont want to smell you and lose my senses
And smile in slow motion with eyes in love

I twist like a corkscrew, the sweetness rising
I drink from the bottle weeping
Why won’t you last?
Why can’t you last?
So I will walk without care
Beat my snare
Look like a man who means business
Go to all the poshest places
With their familiar faces
Terminate all signs of weakness

Oh, all for the sake
All for the sake
Of a foolish love

I will take my coffee black, never snack
Hang with the wolves who are sheepish
Flow through the veins of town, always frown
Me and my mistress the princess

Oh, all for the sake
All for the sake
Of a foolish love

So the day Noah’s Ark floats down park
My eyes will be simply glazed over
Or better yet
I’ll wear shades on sunless days
And when the sun’s out I’ll stay and slumber

Oh, all for the sake
All for the sake
Of a foolish love

I don’t feel like I am exaggerating when I say that you will never be loved by anyone else as much as I love you. I guess that was the message Landon once tried to give me, a message of a lesson I did not take notes. I should have never left my loves of the past so premature. There was love and happiness left with Landon and with Jim, love that because I quit so early, I will never be able to experience.

Playing with prodigal sons
Take a lot of sentimental valiums
Can’t expect the world to be your Raggedy Andy
While running on empty you little old doll with a frown

You got to keep in the game
Retaining mystique while facing forward
I suggest a reading of Lessoon in Tightropes
Or urfing Your High Hopes or dios Kansas

It isn’t very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted

why can’t you learn from my mistakes? do not let love pass you by. You are only allowed, it is my theory, so many people to love and to be loved by and I think, I honestly think, that you were my best. I don’t know that I will ever be able to love again.

The mind has so many pictures
Why can’t I sleep with my eyes open
The mind has so many memories
Can you remember what it looks like when I cry

I’m Trying, trying to tell you
All that I can in a sweet and velvet tongue
But no words ever could sell you

Want you to make love to me and only to me in the dark

I’m only the one you love
Am I only the one you love?

We’ve traded in our snap shots
We’re going through the motions

With that I leave. You want us to be friends but I only feel used. I don’t feel a two-way relationship here. I give and you receive, you reap what I sow. I may be forced to leave a part of this campus, something I do not want to do but if I cannot be happy because you are there… it is either leave the organization or leave this campus, this city, this lfie.

I am thoroughly depressed, suicidal at best. I want you and you alone. I can only be happy, completely happy, when I am with you, alone without the rest of the world. I cannot be happy with you and whoever you are dating or hanging out with, whoever you are replacing me with as if not only your best friend, you new love.

I can do the replacing for you.

p.s. any commentary on this page has little to nothing to do with the lyrics. figure that out for yourself.

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