Every night at 10 o’clock I have a button I click in Safari. The moment I click this button, my browser is begins loading around ten “daily deals” websites. Woot.com was the start of it all but it seems to grow by a few sites each year. Most of the deals on these sites aren’t so much great steals as they are “turns out this thing sucks and we’ve gotta liquidate it” deals. Like the time I bought “OEM Apple Ear Pod Headphones” which translated to “OMG how could these sound so horrible” headphones.

But something you get awesome legit deals, like the time I got a sweet vacuum for 80% off. Yes, I have a thing for vacuums. It’s hit or miss and after a while you get an almost religious understanding of how these sites, and their wine compatriots, work things. To me it’s worth checking in at 10 o’clock, midnight CST, to see what’s new.

Last night I clicked and saw something I just couldn’t un-see; partly because my vibrant imagination went directly where it shouldn’t. Remember “Batter Blaster!”? Think along those lines. It’s the Rollie EggMaster Vertical Grill, and I assure you, this is the real deal.

At first I had no idea what I was looking at. I thought, “Maybe it’s not to scale” or “Maybe it’s deeper than it looks (insert joke)” but it was, indeed, the worst possible thing. It was the epitome of laziness, it’s culinary Seppuku, it’s everything that’s wrong with America; inflated value, exaggerated consequences, excess by design, aimed at the lowest-common-denominator, absolute laziness and full of excuses. Hashtag, American Exceptionalism. But beyond all of that, look at the infomercial!

If something wholly inappropriate doesn’t come to mind then you’re lying to yourself. If you for a moment think, “Yeah, I could totally use that and love it!” then we probably can’t be friends. However, I am a pretty forgiving person so feel free to be honest in the comments.

But’s not sell it short. It’s certainly creative, it takes up very little cabinet space, it’s currently on sale for 51% off and best of all, you can now eat your eggs on a stick! Awe geez…